Is It Ever Casual?
There should be a psychological study on the emotional damage caused by the words “viewed your story.” It’s not the act of watching itself, but the timing that sends people into a spiral. In the modern dating world, nothing will make you question whether you are going to die alone faster than this: realizing that Mötley Crüe T-shirt guy, who bought you a tequila soda last night, had the time to view your Instagram story but not answer your text.
And just like that, you’re spiraling—not because you love him, or even like him, but because something about the situation feels open-ended, undefined, and slightly humiliating.
The question isn’t whether casual relationships matter. They do. The real question is how to move through them without losing yourself in the process. As someone who has played the game one too many times and never won anything other than a cigarette and a good cry, let me be your guide.
This is a woman in her natural habitat, being comforted by her friends after her situationship—who ‘wasn’t looking for anything serious’—hard-launched his new girlfriend.
The Reluctant Bride, Auguste Toulmouche, 1866, via Wikimedia Commons
The Spectrum of Casual
Not all “casual” situations are the same. It’s about being stuck in the crossfire of mixed signals, typing bubbles, and that late-night “How’s the birthday?” text from the guy who somehow only remembers your birthday when he’s single.
“Casual” gets used as a label for anything no one wants to define. In reality, it shows up in a few very recognizable forms:
Exhibit A: The Situationship
Also known as relationship limbo, it feels real, but it isn’t—at least not in any way that counts.
Then one night, you see him out with someone else, and that’s your answer.
The truth: Consistency creates attachment, whether you choose to admit it or not. If someone is showing up like a partner, your brain will register them as one. The label doesn’t matter. The pattern does.
Advice: If it looks like a relationship but isn't one, decide how long you’re willing to stay in something undefined. Don’t wait for clarity from someone who benefits from confusion.
Exhibit B: The One Night Stand
The one-night stand typically lasts no longer than about 12 hours. It starts in low lighting and ends in daylight. It’s a brief, steamy encounter that probably sparked when he tapped your shoulder at a dark dive bar where you couldn’t really see his face. There’s chemistry, a little bit of projection, and just enough conversation for you to tap your friend on the shoulder and tell her he’s the one.
By morning, it’s gone. And it makes you wonder if all the deep childhood stories were just to get you in the mood.
It probably didn’t mean anything, but that doesn’t mean you didn’t feel something. Either way, he left his vape behind, and it’s finders keepers.
Advice: Don’t assign long-term meaning to short-term intensity. Some connections are moments. Let them be that.
Exhibit C: The Seeing Where It Goes
This is less of a relationship and more of a placeholder.
It sounds promising. Open-ended. Casual, but with potential. In reality, it often translates to: I’m not ready to commit to you, but I don’t want anyone else to have you either.
So, you stay. You adjust. You accept just enough to keep things going.
Advice: If someone doesn’t know what they want, believe them. You are not a trial run.
This sign mocked me after a man I’d known for a week said he loved me, and then I never heard from him again.
Image Courtesy of Isabella Ruiz
Sex and the Pity
So, you had sex, and now you're sweaty and underwhelmed. Sex has a way of complicating things that were previously uncomplicated. Obviously, it creates a sense of closeness that doesn’t always hold up in daylight. You share a space, a bed, a version of intimacy, and by the next day, you’re back to guessing.
Advice: Men are enigmas. Maybe he texts. Maybe he doesn’t. Maybe he watches your story as if nothing happened. The hardest part isn’t the silence—it’s the contrast.
Physical intimacy doesn’t guarantee emotional consideration, and confusing the two is where most people get hurt. Paying attention to how someone treats you after the moment, rather than during it, is the true indicator of something real.
Why text him when you could be watching Audrey?
Image Courtesy of PickPik
When “Casual” Starts Costing You
If you're crying alone in a dark room, replaying every moment with him in your head—stop. Stop trying to figure out what shifted or what you did wrong that caused the change. It’s time to take a step back. If you are losing yourself trying to salvage whatever you two had, it’s no longer low-stakes; it’s taking up space. And space matters.
Advice: If you feel anxious more often than calm, it’s time to reassess.
How to Actually Move On
Moving on isn’t about pretending it didn’t happen—it’s about removing the habit of revisiting it.
Delete the texts. Put the photos somewhere you won’t “accidentally” find them.
Closure is rarely given. It’s usually created.
Lean on your friends; let them remind you who you were before you let a man rule your life.
And when you feel the urge to reach out, don’t. Not because you’re playing a game, but because you already have your answer.
Write it down and hash it out with your friends—but please do not text it to him.
The Love Letter (Kärleksbrevet), Pehr Hilleström, 1800, via Wikimedia Commons
So… Is It Ever Casual?
Sometimes.
But most of the time, “casual” is just a label people use when they want the experience of a relationship without the responsibility that comes with it. Welcome to the club. Casual doesn’t mean careless. You’re allowed to feel, spiral a little, text your best friend a five-part novel, and still make it to your 8 a.m. class.
Your next chapter begins the minute you wipe your mascara and remember who the hell you are. Go take a shot of tequila because, as my guru Cher always says, “Fuck him,” and remember who life is really about. It’s about choosing the people who will always choose you back.
These are the people I lean on when times get tough. Make sure to call them when you need them because they’ll always answer.
Image Courtesy of Isabella Ruiz
Dedicated to all of the women who have ever screamed “Green Light” by Lorde alone in their room. You are not alone.
Strike Out,
Writer: Isabella Ruiz
Editor: Francesca Jaques
By line: Isabella Ruiz is a writer for Strike Magazine GNV. When she is not giving unfiltered advice no one asked for, you can find her listening to true crime, dancing like nobody’s watching, and giggling. Follow and hit her up to get your own unsolicited advice: @_isabellaaruiz.
