Keep Your Friends Close, And Your Frenemies Far, Far Away
Although the concept of "wholesome friendships" has been a popular message spread online, it seems that being frenemies has become more prevalent than just being friends.
I will overhear friends laughing in stores and restaurants, more often than not giggling at each other rather than with each other.
As a society, we have discussed the decline of romantic vulnerability and passion in our culture. However, I don't believe this to be a phenomenon exclusive to romance. We are also shying away from openly loving our friends, instead choosing to engage in a constant form of teasing that is akin to mocking.
For example, I often see the term "big back" (a phrase used to mock one's eating habits or body shape) being used among friend groups. For example, I'll hear someone express that they are hungry. It isn't uncommon for one of their friends to make a quippy remark, calling them a "big back" for wanting to eat. Sure, the first few times it might be harmless. But how many times can it be said before it actively makes someone self-conscious? Why would one want to risk making their friend feel that way?
When I see platonic relationships that solely consist of jokingly teasing or mocking the other, I feel sad. Because, sure, maybe the occasional attempt at poking fun can be humorous! But if picking on each other is all that a friendship is, it can start feeling more like you have gained a built-in bully rather than a lifelong friend. After all, unexpressed feelings can only carry a relationship so far. It's the actions that truly define it.
Younger generations are being fed the idea that "nobody owes you anything" since childhood. We have been made to be independent and walk the world alone, with no trust in anyone, due to the fear of being weighed down. In our society, our peers are our competitors, and the emotions of others are pieces of information that we use to psychoanalyze and assess their importance. We are taught not to show others that we care or work to build a community.
Perhaps these reasons are to blame for the difficulty we have with building friendships.
We are so focused on furthering ourselves that we don't take the time to focus on the friendships that help us keep pushing forward. When one is taught their whole life that the world is their competition, it's hard not to treat dear friends like opponents. Hiding emotions and affection to seem cool is a knee-jerk reaction. At the end of the day, though, whether we like it or not, we will all need community to fall back on. Whether it's a breakup, a family emergency, or getting fired from a job, friends are the ones we turn to for help and support. But they can only choose us if we have been choosing them all along.
It doesn't have to be a romantic bond for you to utilize love languages to appreciate your friends every day. Friendships can be the sweetest things in our lives if we work to tend to them, and can prove to be more bountiful than any partnership, romance, or lust can bring. Even if it feels corny, take a moment to tell your friend how much you love them, how beautiful they are, and how grateful you are for them. After all, friends are much more fun than frenemies.
Strike out,
Alara Ataman
Boca Raton
Alara Ataman is a Content Writer for Strike Magazine. An avid fan of fashion, this Pisces can be found scrolling through Depop or elbows deep in a thrift store looking for the perfect piece. If you can’t find her doing this, you may find her browsing numerous cafes in her endless quest for the perfect iced coffee. You can reach her at @leopard_fawn on most social media platforms.
