The Art of Being Selfish
Image Courtesy: Pinterest
When we were kids, we were taught that selfishness was a red flag. Share your toys. Don’t hog the swings. Always let your sibling go first. From the start, we learned that the kids who seemed selfish were the ones no one wanted to play with. “Being selfish makes you the bad guy.” The message was crystal clear.
But somewhere along the way, that lesson stretched too far. Selfishness became this blanket term for any act of choosing yourself: saying no, setting limits, or wanting space. Over time, we lost sight of the fact that being selfish all the time is one thing, but that never allowing yourself to be selfish is another.
Because here’s the reality: consistently putting yourself last doesn’t make you a better friend, student, or person. It makes you burn out. College has a way of proving that. Between classes, clubs, social drama, and friends who always seem to need something, you can give and give until you don’t even recognize yourself anymore.
Image Courtesy: Pinterest
Think about it. How many times have you dragged yourself to a night out when all you wanted was sleep, just because you didn’t want to be the one who “flaked”? Or agreed to take on extra parts of a group project because you felt guilty saying no, even though you already had three assignments due that week? Or answered late-night calls from a friend in crisis, even when you knew you didn’t have the emotional energy to give? These aren’t just small moments; they add up. And before you know it, your energy is gone.
And that’s when the negative effects of trying not to be the “bad guy” sneak in. Not because you’re choosing yourself, but because you’ve given everything of yourself away. You say yes when you’re already stretched thin. You show up physically, but not mentally. You keep pouring from a cup that’s been empty for weeks.
That’s why it’s important to see selfishness in shades instead of absolutes. That’s why there's an “art” to it. Sometimes, being selfish doesn’t mean you’re ignoring others. It just means you’re making yourself a priority too. Choosing to go to a yoga class instead of another late-night out. Journaling instead of answering texts right away. Savoring a coffee alone instead of saying yes to plans you don’t want.
And here’s the thing: choosing yourself doesn’t mean you love people less. It doesn’t make you cold, ungrateful, or distant. If anything, it makes you better for the people around you, because you’re showing up from a place of fullness instead of exhaustion.
College friendships and relationships make this especially hard. There’s an unspoken pressure to always be available, to always say yes, to always keep up. But constantly giving pieces of yourself away doesn’t actually deepen your connections; it just drains you. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is step back, reset, and come back when you’re ready.
Image Courtesy: Pinterest
We’ve been conditioned to think selfishness is only about neglecting others, but there’s another side to it. The side that says: if I don’t care for myself, there’s nothing left to give.
The art of being selfish isn’t about making people feel small or proving you matter more. It’s about remembering that you matter too.
Strike Out,
Writer: Camila Alvarez
Editor: Salette Cambra
Graphic Designer:
Tallahassee