The Feminine Urge to Self-Destruct: What is Dissociative Feminism?
Image Courtesy: iStock
“Women are born with pain built-in.” A now-iconic phrase uttered in the third episode of the second season of the Emmy-Award-winning television show Fleabag is a sentiment that rings true for many young women going through what they call their “fleabag eras”. In TikToks set to dramatic choral music, these young women divulge their personalized lists of experiences “men will never understand.” Whether it be “backing your car into a mailbox,” “sleeping in drugstore mascara”, or “washing your bangs in the sink,” these girls are romanticizing what can be referred to as “dissociative feminism”.
The term was first coined by Emmeline Clein in a Buzzfeed article published in November of 2019 titled, The Smartest Women I Know Are All Disassociating. Clein describes dissociative feminism as “interiorizing our existential aches and angst, smirking knowingly at them, and numbing ourselves to maintain our nonchalance”.
Image Courtesy: BBC
Unlike the early 2010s era of feminism, filled with hopefulness, the urge for change, and the confidence of seemingly emerging gender equality, women are now sitting back and taking a dark and deadpan approach. These women aren’t fighting back. Rather, they are submitting, wallowing in their own sorrow while simultaneously aware of their emotions and sometimes self-destructive actions. Examples of these tragic, submissive, and self-sabotaging female characters can be seen all throughout modern media—think Ottessa Moshfegh’s My Year of Rest and Relaxation or Sally Rooney’s Normal People. The negative emotions these characters have are ultimately fueled by a sense of hopelessness and the woes that accompany being a woman in the 21st century. Where do we go, and what can we do in a world riddled with climate change, a global pandemic, and an unsure future? Women are left to be consumed by their own pain and sorrow, wondering if there is fulfillment in life.
It comes as no surprise that dissociative feminism transpires at a time when indie sleaze, the 2014 Tumblr girl, and general feminine chaos are all the rage. These are the “chill” girls, who use the internet to nonchalantly overshare their feelings of apathy, misandry, nihilism, and their experience of the traumas of modern womanhood. But how long will the façade last until it inevitably falls apart?
Image Courtesy: IMDb
The feminine urge to self-destruct ultimately leads to a self-imposed downfall. These young women are frequently participating in self-destructive behaviors as a means to cope. They practice unhealthy eating and body image behaviors, pursue toxic relationships, or put others, often men, before themselves. Repeatedly engaging in these unhealthy behaviors can cause women to use their pain and hurt as ammunition, which can hurt others while jading themselves in the process. Dissociating from your negative emotions and failing to acknowledge issues is damaging, unhealthy, and not something to be romanticized.
Image Courtesy: Strike FSU
What’s the solution? Well, much like Phoebe Waller-Bridge’s character in season two of Fleabag, it is important to disrupt the cycle of self-destruction and passivity in exchange for self-reflection and improvement. In the words of alterative artist Mitski, “I used to rebel by destroying myself but realized that’s awfully convenient to the world. For some of us, our best revolt is self-preservation.”
Strike Out,
Writer: Jayna O
Editor: Roxy Rico
Graphic Designer: Katie Boucher
Tallahassee