The Mating Ritual of The Internet
I went on a date with a man from Bumble that I knew for less than 24 hours. If I was a Barbie, my career would be Hopeless Romantic and my special feature would be the ability to keep dating men, even after every single one I’ve been with has disappointed me. I would get discontinued very quickly.
Yet, this date with the man I hardly knew was probably one of the few times I’ve ever had a man treat me with the utmost respect. But he was just visiting town and got on a flight home the next day. It felt like the universe was purposefully knocking me down to get a laugh.
It’s funny that almost every single courtship takes place online now. It’s even weirder when you can read the vibe through a screen. We both knew what was already happening. After we got what we came there for, we agreed to not text each other after, but maybe send some writings to each other to peer edit. We closed the door on our relationship. I liked him because he was honest with his intentions and didn’t leave me with any wondering questions. But he’s gone now. We had an awesome night, I have a story to tell, and we went on with our lives. There were no harsh feelings of resentment because no one ghosted the other.
It's weird when you think you really have a connection with someone, and everything is going super well, then you’re left on seen for two days, and they’re never to be heard from again. Now, you have to play the game of mental gymnastics, thinking “we’re not together” but also “if they even wanted to take me seriously they would just answer.” Even if they have time to view your post and like your Instagram stories, you’re still crazy for expecting a response.
The thing about online dating is that it is so easy to disassociate from the fact that these are real people with real feelings. You swipe aimlessly, not even looking at their name most of the time, only really seeing their first picture. If, by chance, you get one of these imaginary people to match with you, you’re now stuck in the small talk phase, which is the most deadly one – this is peak ghosting time.
Other peak ghosting times include, but are not limited to: Hearing their voice for the first time, the first time seeing their face on Snapchat, the time of your date, the day after your date, if they use the puppy dog eye emoji or the “uwu” emoji, and right when you ask for their number. It is impossible to keep track of what not to do to get ghosted. I’ve had not one, but two ex-boyfriends ghost me in the middle of our breakups, before we even ended the conversation. But, even with that, the simple truth is that getting ghosted rarely has anything to do with the ghost-ee and everything to do with the ghoster.
Ghosting is a big indicator of a person who is emotionally unavailable and unable to communicate effectively. In Huff Post’s article, “The Psychology of Ghosting: Why People Do It and a Better Way to Break Up,” Maya Borguetta states, “Ghosting is avoidance and often stems from fear of conflict. Which means, at its heart, that ghosting is about wanting to avoid confrontation, avoid difficult conversations, avoid hurting someone's feelings” (The HuffPost). So, when you get ghosted, take it as a good thing. You just dodged a major bullet, and you now know that person needs to work on themselves before they ever step foot into another relationship.
Dating online is treacherous. There is no right way to do it, and 8/10 times, you’re going to end up getting burned. The best thing I can tell you to do is just go with it! You’re going to get ghosted, or you’re going to ghost someone. It’s inevitable. Once you accept the fact that this is a part of the mating ritual on the internet, there will be no issue to go looking again. Happy Swiping!
Strike Out,
Jessica Giraldo
Saint Augustine
