The Things I’ve Learned from Being the Single Friend

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Society has given the word “single” a negative connotation, but I’m here to give it a positive one.  I won’t lie and tell you that being single doesn’t have its ups and downs, but I would have to say it has more ups than downs.  I also won’t lie and tell you that I didn’t feed into the negative connotations society has given being single; I’ve gone as far as following a witch on TikTok who reads out tarot cards and told me that an ex was coming back into my life.  None of my exes returned, not that I wanted them to anyway.  I used to associate the word “single” with the words “forever alone”, leading to nights spent crying at the sheer thought of being alone for the rest of my life.  Being single is a choice that is personal and most certainly does not mean “forever alone”. 

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I’ve had my fair share of relationships, though none lasting more than three and a half months.  It made me wonder, “Where did everything go wrong?” or “Why I haven’t had a long-term relationship?”  Believe me, when I tell you I’ve heard it all from, “Look Lauren, I really like you, I just can’t be held accountable for a relationship” to then finding out he got into a relationship with another girl a week later.  Looking back, I realize I had no standards and that the fear of being forever alone had me falling for anyone that promised me an ounce of love.  I was in love with the idea of being in love.  I have spent most of my 20 years on this earth single, it has been, for the most part, fantastic.  Being single has allowed me to learn so much about myself and realize what I want in a future relationship. 

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In recent years, many of my friends have been in lasting relationships, while I have been in none.  I’ve been the third and fifth wheel more times than I can count but, now that I’m older, it’s not so bad, especially when you’re friends with both people in the relationship.  I’ve also had friends who have been in relationships that weren’t quite très bien; ones, which I have also learned important lessons from. 

Being an outsider to other’s relationships is an advantage; when you’re in a relationship, you have a different perspective.  You know what they say, love is blinding.  Being on the outside offers a new perspective that allows you to see more aspects of the relationship.  I’m not saying we should judge other people’s relationships, I’m simply saying that being the single friend offers you the advantage of seeing the aspects of relationships you love and those you don’t.  This helps build and evolve your own standards; remember, ladies and gentlemen the bar should never be so low that you accept a “good morning” text as the bare minimum.  Standards don’t make you high maintenance, as the right person will meet your standards and exceed them, and anyone who tells you that you’re “too much” for asking for what you deserve is going straight to la poubelle (that’s French for the trash can).  

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Another benefit of being single is independence.  I’ve been in a relationship or two where I’ve given up my independence, to only become co-dependent on someone who was not worth it.  I became so dependent on that person that the thought of him leaving me would send me into a spiral; it was like he was my oxygen and without him, I was bound to suffocate.  I’ve also seen friends latched to their phones like they’re life support because either they or their significant other was freaking out about where they were, who they were with, and what they were doing.  You should never have to relinquish your independence to be committed to someone.  I value my independence more than anything else; if I were to get into a relationship tomorrow, I would still make sure to maintain my independence.  My independence allows me to do what I want when I want.  

Being single has taught me that you don’t need someone else to make you feel complete.  I’ve learned to be alone with myself and not feel insecure that I don’t have someone around.  I’ve taken myself on dates where I read in the park or grab a coffee.  I promise you it’s not as awkward as you may think, it’s relaxing and efficient.  I don’t think the years I’ve been single would have had the same effect on me if I had been in a relationship.  I’ve seen friends jump from relationship to relationship or stay in their not-so-great relationships out of the fear of being alone.  Being alone is not scary and you don’t need a significant other to make you feel complete because as cheesy as it sounds, you are enough for you.  

I hope that through this article, you’ve found comfort in the fact that you are not alone if you are facing a similar situation or even in a relationship.  Through my experiences, I want you to realize the feelings of empowerment being single can bring, the positive connotation that being “single” can have, that you deserve more than just the bare minimum, that you can maintain independence, and that you are more than enough without needing someone else whether you’re single or in a relationship.   

Strike Out, 

Writer: Lauren Butrum

Editor: Jayna O

Graphic Designer: Maria Gonzalez

Tallahassee