What Each SATC Character Taught Me About Relationships

Cast of Sex And The City | Getty Images

As a girl who’s constantly seeking the thrill of watching Sex And The City (SATC)  for the first time again, I always seem to capture something new with each  rewatch. One of the things that stands out to me the most is how each of the girls approach relationships. A question I often find myself wondering is, which of the girls actually had the healthiest approach to love, self-worth, and boundaries? 

Who better to start with than Ms. Carrie Bradshaw herself? 

Sarah Jessica Parker (Carrie) in SATC | Getty Images

Early Carrie Bradshaw was the blueprint of emotional bravery. She embraced the messiness of falling in love, took risks, and never apologized for putting her heart on the line. 

However, we can’t mistake the constant emotional chaos for chemistry. Chasing someone who keeps you guessing isn’t an ideal romance. Carrie’s arc is a reminder that changing yourself to fit into an emotionally unavailable person's life will erode the very confidence that made you magnetic in the first place.

The internet loves to villainize Carrie, but you can only truly understand her choices once you’ve been in her shoes. Before her relationship with Big, she was a bubbly, headstrong woman. Carrie’s spirals don’t make her a bad person; rather they depict how even the strongest women can lose their footing when caught in an unstable relationship. It’s easy to tell someone to "just move on," but Carrie’s multi-year long situationship with Big shows how complex deep attachment really is. Moving past a “Big” isn't just about ending a relationship, it’s about breaking a cycle and choosing security over the thrilling high of the chase. 

Moving on to Samantha Jones.

While Carrie’s story showed the danger of getting lost in someone else, Samantha’s offered the ultimate masterclass in personal power, self-respect, and firm boundaries.

Kim Cattrall (Samantha) in SATC | Getty Images

Samantha helped me come to the realization that your primary relationship is with yourself. She was the master of knowing her worth, setting boundaries, and refusing to change her identity for anyone. Samantha proved that as long as there is mutual respect and transparency, casual relationships are completely valid choices. She showed that women can pursue pleasure, connection, and fun strictly on their own terms without needing to attach a traditional romantic endgame.. She normalized female pleasure and self-prioritization. Her iconic line, "I love you, but I love me more," remains the gold standard for recognizing when a relationship no longer serves your well-being.

The hard lesson from Samantha’s character? Lines can get blurry without clear boundaries. Casual dating only works when both people are on the exact same page. If feelings shift or communication fails, "keeping it casual" can turn into an emotional trap where someone ends up settling for less than what they actually deserve. For example,  look at Samantha’s dynamic with Richard. When she finally drops her guard and allows herself to fall in love, his infidelity shatters her trust. 

Even after he tries to earn her back, Samantha realizes that staying with him forces her to constantly monitor his every move. Her reaction to getting hurt was to retreat entirely back into hyper-independence.

While her iconic line was to protect herself, her broader habit of keeping people at an arm's length was built on a fear of being vulnerable again. It shows how easy it is to use independence as a shield to avoid the risks that come with intimacy. Overall, Samantha’s core philosophy remains unmatched: love who you want, live on your own terms, and never compromise your self-worth for anyone else.

Now for Miranda: the woman who bought her own apartment, made partner at a law firm, and still somehow ended up caring for a guy who couldn't even manage his own laundry.

Cynthia Nixon (Miranda) in SATC | Getty Images

Let’s be honest, Miranda was arguably the most radical character in the series. Miranda deserves a ton of credit for being way ahead of her time. In a culture, and a friend group, that constantly prioritized dating, she was focused on building a secure, independent life. She bought her own home at a young age, dominated her career, and consistently pointed out the double standards women face in work and love.

When it came to relationships, though, Miranda taught me a critical lesson through how the show treated her. The narrative constantly treated her self-sufficiency like a defect that needed fixing. Instead of celebrating her high standards, the show framed her as an angry, cynical feminist who needed to "soften up." And how did they break that down? By putting her into a dynamic with Steve where she ended up doing both the emotional lifting and the mothering of a manchild. Even within the core four, Miranda was judged for how she didn't center men in her life, constantly pushing her to lower her expectations.

Ultimately, what made her character so compelling was her refusal to compromise  both her intelligence and  her financial security for the sake of fitting into a traditional romantic mold. She showed that self worth isn't measured by whether or not you have a partner,  but by knowing what you want, which is a major strength.

And lastly, the woman who is, in fact, worth a million, Charlotte York.

Kristin Davis (Charlotte) in SATC | Getty Images

Charlotte unashamedly embraced being "the eternal optimist who always believes in love." She taught me that wanting romance, holding out for a soulmate, and keeping your heart soft isn't naive, it is a form of bravery. 

Early on, Charlotte was so focused on finding someone who checked every box: the right background, the right look, that she ended up with Trey. On paper, it was an absolute fairytale; but in reality… it was emotionally hollow. She showed me that choosing a surface level ideal over genuine intimacy will still leave you lonely.

A lot of people claim that Charlotte settled when she ended up with Harry, but that completely misses the point. She didn't lower her standards; Harry didn't fit her preppy, country-club mold, but he worshiped the ground she walked on, showed up for her unconditionally, and met her emotionally in ways her previous partners never did. Charlotte’s character shows us that love is about holding out for someone who truly adores you, respects you, and  is there for you every single day.

Kristin Davis, Sarah Jessica Parker, Cynthia Nixon and Kim Cattrall for SATC | Getty Images

At the end of the day, looking back at these women shows us that there’s no single "right" way to navigate life and love. No matter which character you feel connected to, the bigger lesson is clear: never compromise your worth. The best relationship you can ever build is the one where you stay completely true to yourself while holding out for someone who actually meets you halfway. And with all that, I couldn't help but wonder… perhaps the most fulfilling relationships they had were not within their love lives, but with each other. Men came and went, but the unconditional bond between Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte, and Samantha was the true happily ever after, proving that soulmates don't just come in the form of a romantic partner, but in the women who walk through life right beside you.

Strike Out,

Sarah Rivera

Miami

Sarah is a political science major at Florida International University writing about pop culture, media, and fashion. Her work breaks down movies, TV shows, and fashion as forms of self-expression. She publishes articles on her personal Substack. Off the page, Sarah stays active by running, discovering new music, thrifting, and working on artsy crafts.

Edited by Samantha Jimenez