A Love Letter

Image Courtesy: Kaitlyn Clarke

I’m convinced nostalgia will kill me one day. Unfortunately, this is something that plagues my mind all the time. I look back at the years my sister lived in the room next door and I'm jealous of the girl who had that and took it for granted. When you're a kid, it feels like time moves in slow motion, like the day it's your turn to take on the world will never come. It's different when you're young. You want to grow older. 

Permanence is something I’ve struggled with a lot. I will never be 11 years old again getting a new puppy for my birthday. My dad isn’t asleep in the room down the hall and I can't crawl into his bed in the middle of the night when I'm scared. I look back at old pictures often and think about how different my life was then. Those formative years of development in my life, surrounded by those most important, are what shaped me into who I am today.

When I look in the mirror, I see my mom. Well… I don't see it myself, but the amount of times people have told us we look the same convinces me so. It's one of my favorite compliments. I remember from middle school that I didn't love my nose, that is until I got to thinking, “My mom is the most beautiful girl in the world and I have her nose. Why don't I love my own?” Now, I can't help but love it. 

My mom has always been one of the greatest comforts in my life. When I slept in her room almost every night for a year straight, she never complained once. Sometimes I miss this. She always made growing up so magical. Even to this day, she’s so full of energy and it's something that reflects in all aspects of her life.

For as long as I can remember, she aimed to give my sister and I the world, literally. Her goal was to take us to see all 50 states. While we're still working on this goal, it’s a gift I will never take for granted.

She has taught me to enjoy the little things in life. She has taught me to do what makes me happy, whether that means covering my room in Taylor Swift posters or booking the trip I've been contemplating for a while. Life is short. If you keep putting off your life, when will you actually live it? I love everything she stands for and I love her.

Some of my favorite memories ever with my dad were in the woods. He grew up hunting with his dad. I grew up “hunting” with mine. Now, I use the word hunting loosely because, let's be real, I was just along for the ride. Waking up before the sun did, driving through the woods, staring up at the star-filled sky, talking so loud that I scared everything away. Just being there was enough for me. Looking back at the trips when Grandpa Jack was still around, it was three generations of Clarkes, all together again for a moment in time.

One of the greatest things in life my dad has taught me is the importance of family. Showing up and showing out. Every soccer game I could look out and see him on the sideline. Every father-daughter dance I could count on him to take me, even when I ran off with my friends for most of it. He would always ask me if I had fun. He would remind me that when I asked him that same question, he would reply that he had fun because I did.  

One thing I know for sure though: He is with me always. When the green in my eyes stands out a little more than yesterday, I am reminded of where I got that. When I see a picture of him as a teenager, I can't help but see a reflection of myself in his face. He is half of me and I love him.

Being the baby of the family has shaped me in so many ways. Not only am I the youngest, I am the youngest of 2 girls. Sisterhood, I now look back upon, and see just how much this has shaped me into the person I am today.

Growing up, I was mean to my sister. There were days where I would hit her, and call her names and never said I love you. But, there were also days where we would play Barbies, and swim for hours and jump in giant puddles after a hurricane came through. That's just what sisters do.

No matter the day, I still looked up to her in so many ways. She played soccer, I played soccer. She was hanging out with her friends, I wanted to be there as well. Now, as I'm on the brink of my 21st birthday, I still see in myself that same little girl. Rachel is now working as a producer at a news station, while I am in school for that very same thing.

She is one of my greatest inspirations in life. She encourages me to dream big. I can now say I love you, and when did we grow up?

Family is not something that necessarily fits into one defined box. I have friends I've known since third grade, others from my freshman year of high school, and some I'm just getting to know now. Each and every one of them have no doubt left a handprint on my heart. 

Julia, who I've known for more years than I have not, has seen mostly every season of my life. She has taught me the importance of girlhood and showing up when it matters most. I can't thank her enough for sticking around for 13 long years.

Kylee, who no matter how long we’re apart, makes it feels like we never were. We used to get out of school and do something different together every day. Life catches up with us now being long distance friends and all. She has been the person I tell everything to for years, no matter the scale, and I can confidently say I know I am the same for her.

Makiah, who knows how to make the most of any situation, can crack a joke no matter the circumstance. We played on the same soccer team at seven years old and found our way back to each other years and years later. Even though she is the most independent person I know, she is also the most loyal to those most important to her.

I’ve come to realize your friends are some of the most important people in your life. They stick around out of their own free will. No ulterior motive. Pure love, acceptance and belonging. 

One thing about me is that I am not afraid to tell my friends that I love them. I think we should throw the word around like confetti. We need more of it.

I think it's beautiful that I am able to see a little piece of everyone who has ever had an impact on me shine throughout my life. Every time I think I am too loud, or opinionated or emotional, I think of every single person who has ever let me be those things, unapologetically.

This is the importance of surrounding yourself with the people who feed into your energy, not dull it. Surround yourself with people who let you sparkle.

Strike Out,

Orlando

Written By: Kaitlyn Clarke

Edited By: Arsheeya Garg and Jaz DeGuzman

Kaitlyn is a copy editor for Strike Magazine, Orlando. She is currently majoring in Broadcast Journalism and minoring in Political Science at the University of Central Florida. One day she dreams of becoming a reporter and anchor at a news station. In her free time, she enjoys relaxing with a good book, going to the movies, traveling the world and having Taylor Swift dance parties with her best friend. Kaitlyn hopes that she will be able to cultivate creativity, inspiration and passion in everything she writes.