Aphrodisiac

the hairs on the back of my neck stand

tall as you loom over me.

you poured honey into my veins,

kissing your love into me.

the musk of leather from your jacket 

must've done something to me,

for me to still crave your scent 

even when familiar voices tell me to leave. 

I poured life into your sheets,

I found beauty in your flaws. 

eyes serene like my hometown beaches

remind me of a home where I was the cause. 

even when your eyes turned green, 

I buried more of myself into you because 

the hues of you pulsed through me. 

when did your kisses start to feel like claws?

stifled voice and muffled lips

swallowing words like a poisonous spell.

until they bloomed and spilled over,

I'm sick of the stories my tears tell.

of a toxic father

and a broken kid. 

do I cry because I won 

or because he did?

his heart finds me in all the men I love,

do I blame you for the ways I betray myself?

or did unlearning mean not seeing how

the patterns repeat themselves?

if I fell for eyes like yours again,

is my lust a cry for help?

did I ever fall in love with you,

or did I fall for a broken home in hell?

Strike Out,

Orlando

Written by Erick Matosinho

Edited by Delaney Gunnell & Arsheeya Garg