Creatively Stuck in an Individualist Shell

Image courtesy: Sydney Annis

I am constantly asking myself: What do I wear? What piercings should I get next? What should my next art project be? What book should I read? What CD should I buy? 

While these comments may appear or may be appear mundane, they all contribute to my rituals of individuality– the ways I try to shape how the world perceives me.  I make an effort to present myself through aspects of my personality, like my interests or my fashion. Most of the time, I know I stick out like a sore thumb with my clunky thrift store bracelets, my platform boots or my face piercings, but I love it. 

Because of this, many people positively categorize me as their “alternative” or “artsy” friend,  but I find this title subconsciously lurking over me. It has burdened me with a constant feeling of imposter syndrome. 

How am I supposed to be this free-spirited person if sometimes all I feel is unimaginative and average? 

This is one of the deeper questions I find myself wrestling with a lot recently. 

I believe we are our own worst critics. For example, when I pick an outfit, I often feel that I need to be wearing something super intricate and unique that conveys a different message about me. If I pick out anything less than that, such as just a shirt and jeans, I think so dramatically that I believe I am slowly becoming more and more of a husk. 

I recently read “The Virgin Suicides” by Jeffrey Eugenides, with an introduction by Emma Cline. Despite the book being very enjoyable, Cline’s introduction contained a line that struck me. 

“...our desire to catalog and make meaning out of any sign or symbol, even the mildest of occurrences taking on great portent. It was exhausting to live that way, believing in the significance of every minor emotional shift.”

As teenagers and young adults, we make our tiresome lives more interesting by trying to characterize even the smallest things as something emotionally “deep,” or profound. While it can be valuable to find meaning in the mundane, it can be difficult when you set this unwritten standard for yourself to have these constant, intellectual ideas. 

I am currently taking an introductory photography class, and we just finished our first critique for our observational project. I remember I was so excited to make some insanely imaginative project, and when I was looking back at my photos, they were good, but they did not meet these unrealistic expectations I had set. I felt that because I had a slight interest in photography, I was going to make some intricate work, despite this being my first project. 

During that first critique, I received a lot of positive feedback from my peers, and it caused me to broaden my perspective. 

I have the opportunity to exhibit myself creatively every day, and through everything I do. My art and my self-expression do not need to be groundbreaking to have meaning. Creative expression always holds value, even in the smallest aspects. The simple fact that I am creating something at all reflects intention, and that is meaningful in itself. 

Strike out,

Sydney Annis

Editor: Blake Witmer

Athens