I Shaved My Head.

Well, you heard it here first…what started out as an afterthought finally trimmed into my reality. For weeks I paced back and forth in the mirror of my mind, pondering. To shave, or not to shave, became my own Shakespearean tale as old as time. But truthfully, its dialogue only orbited for a few weeks – far faster than many of my climactic decisions. Growing up the idea occasionally pitched into the writing room of my consciousness. “That would be cool to do at some point in my life,” piled underneath other copious ideas of mine. But recently my scribes rediscovered its storyline, ready to re-style and ready to refine. “We’re bored,” they would whisper, and frankly so was I, yearning for change and something worthy of the New York Times. 

But shaving your hair, especially as a woman, seemed to be something taboo. Religion deems its silk a sacred art – one of devotion and purity. In Buddhism and Hinduism it would often associate with the crown chakra, guiding towards enlightenment. Indigenous tribes deep rooted its presence in cultural and spiritual identity, believing it to be a manifestation of oneself. In ancient Egypt hair represented divinity and a conduit to their gods. For the Romans and Greeks it indicated wealth and aristocracy. In modern society, hair continues to propagate numerous narratives on women’s appearances – such as status, femininity, and vitality. Needless to say, its expressive outlet transmits information of both personal and public perception.. “Hair is more than just a part of our appearance; it can be considered an extension of our aura, silently storing the energies we encounter…For centuries various cultures have ascribed mystical qualities to hair, viewing it as a channel for…power.” (Lian, n.d.). Detaching from its essence, would be to detach from its absorption – creating new space for growth, and for what no longer serves.

‘A Patagonian Wigwam’ | Getty Images

At first, its hypothetical was ironically connotated, easily dismissed in sarcasm, with underlying seriousness. Until “now or never” conditioned my thoughts. I knew my mentality was misconstrued. I knew I could keep brushing it off into the archives of another time. But I also knew I needed the pressure to finally stop waiting until faith felt right! Fast forward, as I’m sitting here freshly bald, I realize this was the real mantra brewing inside. It wasn’t about my hair, but about being okay to blindly try. And thus, the scissors sharpened, along with my certainty. A certainty to commit to change instead of rereading the same story where I always push it away. The one where my internal audience would no longer have to scream “DO SOMETHING”, “PLEASE”, until they lost their voice to my own stagnancy. Waiting, and waiting for the protagonist to make a move, to show us what’s new, instead of plagiarizing a life already lived, a life I had already pursued.

And just like that… I had snipped through every phase, and every shape. From the bob to the pixie, to some makeshift micro bangs. Up until the final shave. I looked as equally part mole, as I did model. Leaving me with no choice but to pull it off, because there was no going back into the comforting hole from which I came. Thus, a character arc was in commence, as my vulnerability was spotlight on center stage. I hadn’t felt this naked since I was born, but I guess what a way to signify a fresh slate. Only to my surprise I didn’t feel much “fresher” on the outside – sure I looked different, but I still felt the same. Being rid of the physical symbolization I sought would awake.

Kristen Stewart at Premiere Of IFC Films' "Personal Shopper" | Getty Images

I didn’t feel more beautiful, nor did I feel less. I was just me – an ongoing consistency amidst my own diversity. Frankly, I was rather unimpressed. Unfazed in the deceit society conditions us to believe that our charm is conditional. “Women, in particular, are often judged…based on the length of their hair. Stereotypes and assumptions are made about their personality, sexuality, and adherence to gender norms” (Salon). Long hair has been known to exude sensuality and womanhood, while short hair is sought to rebel its implications. At least these are society’s bestselling statements. But maybe hair is not a rejection of femininity, but rather in the system that confines us into thinking that it is. Or maybe it is none of the above, and just something you want to explore for fun? Long hair, short hair, why do we care? It can all coincide to whichever meaning and message you aspire it to assign. As the hairdresser of convention rolls her eyes for the deviance of a woman challenging what she likes. To shave, or not to shave – it doesn’t really matter now does it, for your beauty will always remain. And I would rather be bald, than a copy-paste of those who believe attraction is merely one-dimensionally embraced.  

But the teachings to my introspection were slow. As I waited for my liberation to step into the salon of my expectations. Hand in hand with my empowerment. But she didn’t arrive. Not in the way I had externally romanticized. As I searched through the window, rather than in the reflection staring back of me. Cheesy, I know. But I quickly learned that it wasn’t the buzzcut that creates the buzz, but rather the act of buzzing it that does. “True liberation lies in the power of choice” (QuoteMantra). My freedom. My call to change. My defiance of social norms. My assertion for beauty to be perceived in a new way. Thus, my journey was soon founded not in being bald but in being bold. “FINALLY,” my readers beam in a standing ovation, “this is the character development we’ve been desperate to see”. Honestly, they’re right, because I too agreed. As the narrators of my mind highlight its theme. That of transformation. As I evolve with momentum into who I already was, but at times was too scared to foresee. Daring. Courageous. Trailblazing. Unique. Shaving my head was simply my medium of remembrance. My medium in unlocking... more of me.

References:

Johnstone, Lian. “Is Your Hair Holding Negative Energy?” Medulla & Co,

Salon, Margaux. “The Fascination with Long Hair: Unraveling the Link to Femininity.” All Things London and Natural Hairdressing,

QuoteMantra. “Free Yourself Quotes: Be Yourself Quotes, Go for It Quotes, Lies Quotes.” Pinterest,

Strike Out,

Kynda Kailea Green

Miami

Kynda Green studied in the field of Communications and Media. She enjoys exploring her artistic expression through creative directing, writing, and film. Her passion pursuit includes her poetry page on Instagram. Here, she reflects on the relatability of the human experience while connecting through art. In addition to her self-published work, you can find her frolicking in nature, venturing new places, and taking photos with friends.