The Illusion of Chemistry
Chemistry doesn’t necessarily imply compatibility.
You could be so incredibly drawn to someone’s energy, but you know it’s wrong. It’s like self-indulging in something that you know is bad for you, but it feels so good.
Chemistry is an illusion. It’s the magnetism that draws you into someone, creating that immediate connection. Compatibility, on the other hand, is the degree to which your values, morals, and beliefs align, which, in turn, creates safety and comfort within your relationship.
Think of Carrie Bradshaw and Big (SATC) - their dynamic lasted over two decades, and not once during that time were they ever compatible. It was the illusion of chemistry that convinced them that they were right for each other (or for Carrie, at least). They went back and forth so many times, and yet nothing ever changed. They weren’t the least bit compatible, and the only thing that somehow held them together was their “chemistry” and the hope of what could be. The back-and-forth only ever ended because he realized he could never have anyone else. Yet unsurprisingly, she was completely fine with that.
That’s often how these relationships are. Toxic.
The spark is strong, but the judgment is blurred. Somehow, at that moment, the red flags are far too clouded to see.
You feel so connected on such a deep emotional level, but your personalities and characters don’t match at all. You can’t imagine being without them, because the depth that chemistry has is incomparable to compatibility, which is why a healthy balance of both is needed: chemistry with just enough compatibility to make it work. Chemistry is the pull, and compatibility is the glue that holds it together.
Many people attempt to allude to this concept by saying “opposites attract”, and while at times that can be true, at the end of the day, when it comes to compatibility, there are very few times when this works out. Relationships that begin with this cliché burn hot, but fizzle out due to a lack of compatibility. It’s irresistible, but inevitably fleeting.
Compatibility, on the other hand, often feels monotonous at first because it doesn’t trigger the same feelings that instant chemistry does. You know that it’s good for you, but it’s boring. You want excitement, you want chemistry.
Is this really just a chemical reaction in our brains that we misread as our soulmate? This “spark” is almost always just fueled by dopamine, adrenaline, and oxytocin rather than attraction. It surges when we are excited about someone new, giving us a euphoric feeling that is responsible for this magnetism, but once the shine wears off, the appeal vanishes, exposing the illusion of chemistry that’s been there all along.
Be mindful of whichever it is in whatever situationship you’re in, because it’s a slippery slope.
Chemistry is not compatibility. At a certain point, you have to grow up and realize that doing what’s best for you in the aspect of your relationships is the best preparation you can do for your future.
Strike Out,
Elise Archer
Boca Raton
Elise Archer is a Content Writer for Strike Magazine Boca. She has a passion for everything creative- and she’s a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. If you can’t reach her, she’s either busy shopping, lost somewhere, or writing. But if you would like to: elisearcher111@gmail.com or on Instagram @elisearcherr
