To Break A Heart

The phrase “heartbreak” surrounds us in popular culture, often taking center stage in films, books and music. But what exactly does it take to tear apart an otherwise healthy heart? In this heartbreak how-to, Laila walks readers through a series of steps that one can take to successfully shatter a heart, just like the movies do.

The art of breaking a heart is, ironically enough, a labor of love. It takes time, effort and intention. 

The heart does not crumble at the slightest touch. It does not shatter like glass, doomed to become a pile of shards upon the slightest impact. The heart requires pressure to be broken, cracked open with a force that only the loss of true love (or, for better or for worse, the illusion of it) can enact. There’s a reason that “hearty” is a synonym for strong or robust. 

The heart requires strength to be broken. 

Image Courtesy: Draw With Aditi

There is no one method to go about breaking a heart. And while you may not want to develop a terminal illness or move across the country, there is a generally foolproof method you may use. That is, if you so choose. 

1. Everything begins and ends with your eyes. Your eyes are a window to the heart, after all. 

Gaze at your target from across the room with a gentle consistency. This can be done purely sober or under the influence. If your subject happens to glance back at you, give them a soft smile and dart your eyes away just a half-second too late. The heart has already begun to crack.  

Let the target begin to believe that her eyes are somehow, miraculously, magnetized to yours. 

2. Upon the third (or fifth?) exchange of pseudo-accidental eye contact, close in on your subject. 

Tap her on the shoulder. Introduce yourself. Make the conversation organic. 

3. Experiment with thoughtful flirtation. 

Treat each conversation as an opportunity to indulge: share your hopes, your aspirations, your novel interests — encourage your subject to feel as though you are similar. 

And throw a compliment in there somewhere. Tell her you like her nails. They match her pretty blue eyes. 

Image Courtesy: Jane See

4. Buy her a drink. 

Be a gentleman. Obviously. Remind her that while chivalry may be dead, you certainly rise above the stereotype. All men may suck, but tonight, you don’t. 

5. Walk home together, and spend the whole night talking. 

Let the vulnerability of the wee morning allow you to embrace whatever weird thought is on your mind. Bonus points if you exchange a vulnerable belief. Creating an illusion of safety is key — it opens the heart. 

6. Keep her engaged throughout the rest of the next day. Use a platform that allows her to see every little facet of your activity, like Snapchat. 

Turn on your location. Communicate semi-frequently, but leave her messages delivered long enough for her to question if something might be wrong. The confusion builds; the heart feels the pressure now.

Speak to her, but just enough to make every response from you seem like a gift. Thoughtful and enthusiastic, but notoriously unpredictable. 

Image Courtesy: Pinterest

7. Repeat steps one through six. Sporadically.

Increase sexual intensity with every drunken encounter, but never force her into anything. You are a gentleman, after all. Let her believe that you take things slow. You’re not like the rest of them.

But if you want this whole heartbreak thing to work, you eventually need to get to sex. And it better be good. 

8. Once you engage in enough drunken hookups to reach your personal satisfaction, really make that last hookup memorable.

Hold her. Cradle her in your arms. Endow her with a gentle kiss on the forehead. Tell her that she’s unlike any other girl that you’ve been with. Tell her that you like the way her hands intertwine so perfectly with yours. Tell her that you could lay in bed with her, holding her like this, forever. 

Image Courtesy: Ben Young

9. Ghost her the next morning.

She probably won’t take that well. But you act as though you don’t quite know what you did wrong. You weren’t dating, after all. 

Let her yell at you at the bar and call you in the middle of the night. Let her cry about how much she really did like you, how she doesn’t understand what she did wrong, how you really are just like the rest of them. Let her dissect every second of every exchange you’ve ever had leading up to this moment instead of clarifying anything for her. 

You just shrug in response. Act as though you don’t know what the big deal is. You never even wanted a relationship in the first place. You told her that. It’s her fault she got attached. She’s the one who didn’t listen. 

Let her humiliate herself, again and again. 

10. Select another subject whose heart you’d like to begin breaking. 

Repeat steps one through nine. Do it all at the same bar she’s at — just so she can see it. You already know she’s observing your every move. 

11. Weeks later, gaze at her from across the bar. Just like you did in the very beginning. 

She’ll probably make eye contact with you on her own. Crack a soft smile. She may or may not smile back. 

And you look long enough into her glassy blue eyes, you might just catch a glimpse of her heart.

It’s broken, isn’t it?

Strike out,
Writer: Laila Mayfield
Editor: Hailey Indigo

Laila (pronounced LIE-luh, unfortunately) Mayfield is a writer for Strike Magazine GNV. When she's not drafting a piece on her latest pop culture hyper-fixation, she can probably be found running (very slowly) around campus, updating her Letterboxd, or eating a bowl of Special K Red Berries cereal. Got any questions (or film recs)? You can reach out to her on Instagram @lailamayfield or send any inquiries by email lailamayfield@icloud.com.