Photo Courtesy/Maia Geraci
There is nothing more jarring than seeing someone you once knew, inside and out, in the wild.
Maybe you’re out drinking with your friends, at a show or getting lunch after a long morning of classes, and see a face that used to be familiar. Whether that person was your best friend in high school, or your favorite ex, the experience feels alien. Looking at someone who was once your closest confidant — but is now wearing different clothes, has a new haircut and looks at you with animosity or nothing at all, feels like staring at a department store mannequin.
The experience is uncomfortable, yes, but distinctly human. People come and go from our lives as frequently as channels get changed on your cable TV. No matter how closely you hold someone or how much of yourself you share with them, not everyone is meant to be a permanent fixture in your life.
What Severed Connections Taught Me
I’ve learned a lot about myself through the people that no longer hold a place in my world. I’ve found that I can be difficult to get to know, that I can be selfish and harsh. I’ve learned that I can be overbearing yet not attentive enough at the same time. I wouldn't have learned any of these things if the people that taught me them were still sitting at my kitchen table or calling me on my birthday.
The absence of that person allows the space for reflection and growth. I have been able to turn inwards and examine my actions and self through loss, to find the parts of me that need extra attention. Only through understanding and self love have I been able to work through the void left by someone I was close to.
Why Sometimes it’s Best to Let Go
When you sense someone pulling away from you, your first instinct may be to squeeze tighter. Maybe they don’t come to you for advice anymore, or think of you when they make plans. Maybe their texts are less frequent, or they begin to prioritize other people in their life over you.
Pouring more of yourself into that person will not change the trajectory of your relationship.
Humans are ever-evolving, and we morph ourselves, subconsciously or not, into thousands of shapes over our lifetime. As we evolve continuously through lessons learned in hardship and experience, we may no longer hold a shape that person understands–and vice versa.
When differences take hold and overpower any similarities you share, it may be indicative that you should allow time to take over and let nature run its course. Holding on tighter to someone who does not feel like having your presence in their life is worth the effort is not worth your effort.
The connection between you becoming taut and frayed should be taken as the sign that it is: it’s time to stop grasping at air where that person once was, and it’s time to pour your energy into people who want to understand you and be dear to you.
It’s hard to come to terms with letting go of people you held close to your heart, but its inevitability will not be altered by efforts that will just end in anxiety and smothering. It’s time to welcome the change in and release what no longer serves you.
Strike Out,
Maia Geraci
Editor: Cira Thigpen
Athens