Sex and the City Beautiful: Episode 1: Nonchalant Sex Caricature

** WARNING - GRAPHIC LANGUAGE **

Millions of Americans, including Floridians, download dating apps in the pursuit of meeting their dream guy: the mid-30s financial advisor who goes on runs after work, or the Pilates-Stepford-wife who is learning to bake sourdough. 

Maybe the younger 20-somethings are having more trouble finding the ideal dating partner. The answer as to “why” might be anything — from the financial instability our generation faces, forcing us to get two jobs in addition to classes, all the way to the fact that it’s simply easier to stay home and cancel a date rather than try something new. 

I was one of those Floridians who downloaded Hinge. 

At first, these dating apps feel like walking down the red carpet. Tons of seemingly great single guys with their mirror selfies and boats holding a midsized catch-of-the-day. After maybe 20 minutes, they blur together. Faces of young handsome men blend in a smoothie of terrible haircuts and ankle socks.

I’m sure I wasn’t much different from the sea of beautiful women who would be enticed by a man’s caption of saying he’s into “you” or “crazy women.” 

To my surprise, Sean liked my profile. 

I saw what I liked. A six pack. Big shoulders. Biceps. Immediately, we got into talking about sex, and I wondered… why was he so shallow? 

I’m totally kidding. But I was weirded out. 

I’ve never heard a guy say so little and so much at the same time. Addressing one’s own penis as a “cock” seemed a little too “dark romance book” and it itched my cringe-bone. Then his insistence that I be “submissive” or a “good girl” seemed right out of a 50 Shades of Grey trailer.

More so, I was weirded out by his character of being both braggadocious and nonchalant. He addressed me like I was a woman on a red-pill podcast. Totally worthless. In truth, I’m partly to blame for my insistence on wanting to see him. As of recent, I lacked the spontaneity of going out and finding someone to bring home. You could blur the lines and say that I just wanted to meet him. As in a date. 

“I don’t do first dates. First dates are for fucking.” 

I can’t act like I wasn’t intrigued by the sheer audacity of his arrogance. He reminded me of the first guy I ever hooked up with. His name was Knox, and when I introduced him to my friends in the neighborhood (a group of nerdy, closeted guys), he said, “Which one of you is she fucking?” And they say chivalry is dead. 

So I started to wonder… What's going on with my interest in these Nonchalant Sex Caricatures? I asked Sean if he got bored of talking about sex with strangers. He told me he had his age limit set from 18-55 (that’s everyone), and made plans on Friday to see Mary, 39, and shove her head on his pillows, hard. He sent me several screenshots of their conversation. It felt like a nature documentary voice-over. 

Here goes the wolf about to attack his innocent (but old as hell) prey. 

I was reminded of the fact that this guy was also in his early 20s. Does any guy that age want something with substance? 

No, please, tell me. I beg of you. 

I remember being so into Knox as a teen because he was my first experience that made my heart race while my clothes stayed on. I hadn’t even seen killer-big-cock Sean yet. 

Almost immediately, the sex talk became boring to me. These people, these men, are so interesting and boring, yet their duplicity is what entices me. In an era where you could send your penis to women on Tinder, he seemed behind the times with his nonchalant demeanor. Now, people care more about their interests beyond sex and drugs. You may not agree with me, but most women I know would much rather date someone with an interest in something nerdy than a guy with no personality. 

I think that’s why Mary, 39, wants him so badly. Older women are usually the last to grab the new trend of clothes, and seemingly romantic interests, too. With guys like Sean, I see the reason why men are on dating apps and forgo the need for relationships. They have an array of women to talk to. Beautiful women are a dime a dozen on social media, and some women aim to become more beautiful and subservient to men. I can see it’s some type of mask. 

I’m not old or experienced enough to figure out why this is, be it a past heartbreak or a future crash out. I don’t want to change this guy; I’ve learned it can’t be done. What I am is an observer of this Nonchalant Sex Caricature. A nature documentarian of why they act the way they do. 

My observations, however, don’t make me better or worse than those other women. But sex is fun with strangers when it's this spontaneous thing, not planned in a calendar. That’s why clubs and bars are so important. 

Talking to some guy and planning sex makes the fun of a hook-up so very lame. I let Sean know this.

So I write in my lonely bed, phone filled with potential Hinge matches. I began to think my comment about planning sex being tedious really set him up to ghost me, and soon I got a text. 

I didn’t open it for some time. I began my morning like the productive college student I am. I went to the library, sipped my overpriced latte, and opened my computer. As I began to lock in, I checked his message. What I theorized was a brilliant retort was actually a photo of… his penis. 

A full 1080X1290 photo of his average-sized no-no area. At 10 in the morning. I’m a woman, so this type of sexual harassment isn’t news to me. I was more appalled at the time of day rather than his lack of modern dating standards. Maybe Mary, 39, liked him because he was on her level. It’s like 2016 all over again. “Send Nudes?” 

I deleted his number. I deleted Hinge.

Strike Out, 

Orlando

Written by Riley Flynn

Edited by Sarah Franquelo

Riley Flynn is a journalist and writer for Strike Magazine. She has been writing for over six years and has been a staff member on strike since the fall of 2024. She dreams of working in live studio production for sports and reality TV. But in the meantime, Riley loves to talk music, fashion, and lifestyle throughout her narrative, poetry, and journalistic writing. You can follow her on Instagram @rileysage04  and reach her via rileysflynn04@gmail.com